FACK

its 11:05 and I'm not done with my senior paper and I have lost all of my concentration!

lets do this, pause this. play with. fast forward this and stop here. Do a few still frames here and cut a few strips there and fin.

So after all that, im done with my paper and have no more worries, right?

damn it.

back to writing. >.<

Sum it up/retrospect

Within this past 7 months. i've laughed, met amazing new people, done things that i'll remember forever, cried, and experienced things. I'm happy but sad. I miss things that I can't ever have back and I can't explain it. I'll always feel like something is missing no matter what I do or wherever I go. I have my days that I feel happy and content and I have my days where I break down and ask, "where'd it all go wrong?". I'm thinking for myself and doing things for myself but I feel as if that brings me my own consequences. I'm planning for me and only me. Nothing is ever for sure but all you can do is hope.

Again, I want a safety blanket that I can go to sleep at night with and feel like nothing is wrong and things can't get worse.

penny for your thoughts

I miss a lot of people right now. I dont make an effort to try to talk to them as much as I want to. I want to travel to go see them all and tell them they are dear to me and have changed my life. I turn 18 in less than a month and to be honest, I am terrified. I graduate soon and I am suppose to be moving out not too long after that. It's exciting but scary. Today, I had to actually make my own dentist appointment because my mother won't be there next time and I had to revolve it around my college classes which I will be having later this year. By the end of this year, I will be 18, moved out and in college. I will have my best friend by my side for all of it. I am terrified but excited yet mostly terrified and not wanting to go through this whole process. I want to go in the future by just a bit and see where I stand by October or November and see if I'm still in school and living on my own or if I will be dropped out of school and living with my parents. Everything is unsure now a days. I want something for sure and stable. A safety blanket.

How I see it

No one is ever happy in life. You never get what you want, if you do, it doesn't last.

All you can do is try to go through life acting like nothing is wrong and not complain. Be happy with what you have and the fact that you are alive and well. We all move on. We all get by with what we have. Just be content.

More

So, now that I have the gift i've been wanting the most i've come up with so small ones.

-Complete collection of Sims for Mac

-Professor Layton and the curious village

-Flickr pro account

and thats about it. 

I dont know why im throwing this stuff out there.

Pedestal

i've been placed on a pedestal to be awed at and yearned for and I want to break this pedestal and flee this place.

Applications cost a lot btw.

Sweet

Getting my canon rebel xsi this weekend.

Too bad I have no one to go on photography adventures with.

/fail

w00t

American Beauty is a good movie.

I love my new Marc Jacobs bag.

Im excited for upcoming events.

april 13th needs to get here.

N-O-W.

=D

hm

its 430. I had a weird missed call from a weird number. I think that is what woke me. Vibrations and what not.

hm.

33 more days? I think i counted right.

day of birth

Making my list.

those are the main things as of right now.

I'd like

to go see as tall as lions live

and I want it to be my birthday asap

i've started writing again.

refreshing.

people

My brothers are really important to me. I love them.

I love my future room mate unconditionally.

My summer bff will last for more than just summers.

My dog will never hate me.

and I will continue to do chores to get by on the weekend.

leaving soon. =]

Going day to day

Thats what I'm doing.

School work is very important right now.

weekend? I want it.