Stay away

Abstain, refrain, avert, dodge, duck, run, steer clear of, hide, evade, escape, avoid, shun.

This is easy, of course. I promise. It's not like what I'm doing at this very moment is making me want to do anything irrational or stupid. This is so fucking easy and I'm sure it is for you. It's easy for everyone and their god damn mother.


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Miss this

No one uses this anymore. :P

Tumblr took over haha.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

untitled

We drank bottled water together and talked business.
I think I played the right moves.
You were lookin' over my shoulder,
as I went through the motions of another night,
And it was alright,
'cause I thought I knew who everybody was just by lookin' at them.
My heart is anywhere but here,
and how tired I was from the past couple of weeks,
From the past couple of years.
Well, it hit me all at once,
On a balcony overlooking nothing,
With snow falling all around,
Well I, I called just to say "Goodnight".
And you hadn't done anything wrong,
And know, really, really, it's me not you.
I can't believe how naive I was to think things could ever be so simple,
And can you live with what you know about yourself,
When you're all alone, behind closed doors?
The things we never said, but we always knew were right there.
It's got me on my knees in a bathroom,
Praying to a God that I don't even believe in,
"Well, dear Jesus, are you listening?
If this is the one chance that really matters,
Well, don't let me fuck this up.
If you'd told me about all this when I was fifteen,
I never would have believed it."

conclusion

Everything is wiped away with ease.

Anyone can win over authority with the right argument.

Nothing lasts forever.

Addiction is the worst thing to deal with.

Priorities change.

I've been sleeping too much lately. I'm not working enough. I'm scared about Friday. My body always hurts. =[

how things are

A broken home, A lost companion.

A lover's love, wilted.

A sick home, A death.

A numbness, uncurable.

I'd like to say, Worse week so far in my life.

working

I'm liking my job. Its fun. Everyone is really funny and entertaining. Tomorrow is all me so someone could/should come see me. My schedule for next week is monday tuesday wednesday and saturday night and Sunday day. Make it happen!

=]

Converse

after talking to travis for like an hour. I've realized a bit but complicated things a little bit too. Its a web of these things and people using make up to cover blemishes that wont ever go away and people doing things in spite of others and all of this other stuff that almost gives me hope yet makes me wonder what to say to anyone.

Jeepers Creepers 2 is coming on however, I'll be watching that a possibly be regretting it with my silly imagination.

=/

not doing it live

plans=fucked.

damnit =/

damnit

I over drafted on my bank account. I fail.

=[

=/

This is depressing.

wow

I graduate tomorrow. Still hasn't hit me. Probably won't until some of my friends go back to school and im working all the time.  

Anyone want to watch a movie?

oh internet

you are too public. I'm going to trust my other journal for tonight.

sorry.

mann

Making plans for the weekend. Friday is bowling, nothing really after that. Saturday is lunch with my mom and aunt but nothing after that and Sunday is Kelly time. GIVE ME SOMETHING.

w00t.

Animal

I've been recently feeling like that animal who has heightened sense of sound and sight. Cock my head and run away with my tail behind my legs. Its sad when I use to play and bark playfully at it but now, no, I whimper and run.

sucks, right?

I really should get myself checked out. Not too well now a days.

ack.

Way too tired. going to chelli's for hair fun. studio 21 for some face work. nap nap nap. get ready. prom. w00t.

oh boy

Tonight was a success. Tomorrow should be fun, downtown with friends. Saturday prom and Im sure i'll be hanging with Little Kelly on Sunday. =]

Sounds like a good weekend to me.<3

lol @ big brother

Sooo its going this way. I dont go to fuck yess at all or I find a guy to accompany me and Chelli because Ryan does not want me to be attacked by guys who find out I am his little sister. Justin is sick and has exams. QQ

oh what to do, oh what to do.

ANDDD the two guys who i would invite to go with us, happen to be in Savannah for the weekend/summer.

/fail

I'll probably just go and make ryan really uncomfortable. hahaha

well

I like that things are coming fast.

Thursday is fuck yesss.

Friday is skip day.

Saturday is prom.

Easy breeze next week.

Senior week the week after next.

Graduation on the 22nd.

Only thing missing is a job so I can complete the next exciting thing after graduation. A home with Chelli.

I'll figure something out. I hear Coldplay however sooo, bye.

too much

there has been too much stuff going on this week. Sleep is my best friend since i can't really go out with my best friends because of all of this stuff. Im excited for tomorrow however. It will be a success. =]

The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

- G. K. Chesterton

Photo friends

I'm enjoying this line of cameras staring at me.

My new 600 Business Edition Polaroid.

My Canon rebel xsi.

My Diana F+ with 35mm film instead of 120

Newly found old Minolta x-700

and another newly found underwater frogeye lomography camera

They are pretty cute.

<3

alrighty

Might have a job. Only people who seem happy about it are Kelly, Meghan and myself.

oh well. 

Another fail.

its working.

I'm slowing being removed instead of me removing you and its helping right? its over? we can all forget and move on? No more feelings?

sweet.

Old and new ways

"I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you."

I wish I could have such a kind heart and it might have been because she was about to die and had to show how much love she had to give but now a days, there is so much hate and not enough love so even though I know you and i've met you, laughed with you, cried with you, and kissed you. I hate you. I can't stand you and you've ruined me more than anyone who has ever been part of my life.

Turning in early.

Netherland Dwarf and Holland Lop

Oh yes, One of you will be mine. Hopefully, I wants you so bad! >.<

They're cute, yes?

ack ack.

Last week of school before spring break. Im excited for my birthday. super tired right now. Pretty good weekend. Enjoyed Friday the most. =] I need to upload stuff on my flickr. I'll do that soon. Maybeee.

oh goodness

I like making amends with old friends. 

Jeez

This weather was fun for a while but now it might be interrupting my plans for the weekend. Do not want.

FACK

its 11:05 and I'm not done with my senior paper and I have lost all of my concentration!

lets do this, pause this. play with. fast forward this and stop here. Do a few still frames here and cut a few strips there and fin.

So after all that, im done with my paper and have no more worries, right?

damn it.

back to writing. >.<

Sum it up/retrospect

Within this past 7 months. i've laughed, met amazing new people, done things that i'll remember forever, cried, and experienced things. I'm happy but sad. I miss things that I can't ever have back and I can't explain it. I'll always feel like something is missing no matter what I do or wherever I go. I have my days that I feel happy and content and I have my days where I break down and ask, "where'd it all go wrong?". I'm thinking for myself and doing things for myself but I feel as if that brings me my own consequences. I'm planning for me and only me. Nothing is ever for sure but all you can do is hope.

Again, I want a safety blanket that I can go to sleep at night with and feel like nothing is wrong and things can't get worse.

penny for your thoughts

I miss a lot of people right now. I dont make an effort to try to talk to them as much as I want to. I want to travel to go see them all and tell them they are dear to me and have changed my life. I turn 18 in less than a month and to be honest, I am terrified. I graduate soon and I am suppose to be moving out not too long after that. It's exciting but scary. Today, I had to actually make my own dentist appointment because my mother won't be there next time and I had to revolve it around my college classes which I will be having later this year. By the end of this year, I will be 18, moved out and in college. I will have my best friend by my side for all of it. I am terrified but excited yet mostly terrified and not wanting to go through this whole process. I want to go in the future by just a bit and see where I stand by October or November and see if I'm still in school and living on my own or if I will be dropped out of school and living with my parents. Everything is unsure now a days. I want something for sure and stable. A safety blanket.

How I see it

No one is ever happy in life. You never get what you want, if you do, it doesn't last.

All you can do is try to go through life acting like nothing is wrong and not complain. Be happy with what you have and the fact that you are alive and well. We all move on. We all get by with what we have. Just be content.

More

So, now that I have the gift i've been wanting the most i've come up with so small ones.

-Complete collection of Sims for Mac

-Professor Layton and the curious village

-Flickr pro account

and thats about it. 

I dont know why im throwing this stuff out there.

Pedestal

i've been placed on a pedestal to be awed at and yearned for and I want to break this pedestal and flee this place.

Applications cost a lot btw.

Sweet

Getting my canon rebel xsi this weekend.

Too bad I have no one to go on photography adventures with.

/fail

w00t

American Beauty is a good movie.

I love my new Marc Jacobs bag.

Im excited for upcoming events.

april 13th needs to get here.

N-O-W.

=D

hm

its 430. I had a weird missed call from a weird number. I think that is what woke me. Vibrations and what not.

hm.

33 more days? I think i counted right.

day of birth

Making my list.

those are the main things as of right now.

I'd like

to go see as tall as lions live

and I want it to be my birthday asap

i've started writing again.

refreshing.

people

My brothers are really important to me. I love them.

I love my future room mate unconditionally.

My summer bff will last for more than just summers.

My dog will never hate me.

and I will continue to do chores to get by on the weekend.

leaving soon. =]

Going day to day

Thats what I'm doing.

School work is very important right now.

weekend? I want it.

take a breath

A few things.

In the next few months, I'll be an adult.

In the next few months, I'll be moved out.

In the next few months, I'll graduate.

My best friend is in rehab and I never wrote him back.

A good friend of mine thinks that she can't talk to me about things because she never calls.

I don't show affection to my dog anymore.

I might not get Hope because I slacked off the majority of High School.

The Academy Awards are my favorite.

I want to sleep for a while.

A whole weekend.

or just 7 hours.

tredjhgvliuyfgsv

blah blah

nudge nudge

stab stab

cry cry

annoy annoy

try try

home.

Inauguration Day 2009

Today is a pretty intense historical day. Everyone should be able to stop what they are doing and watch the Inauguration of Barack Obama. Because even if you voted for him or against him, this is an amazing thing. Which is why it makes me really upset when my school doesn't even care. Other school are getting excused absences if they decide to stay home and watch the Inauguration. why? Because its understandable for someone to stay home and watch ONE OF THE BIGGEST THINGS IN POLITICAL HISTORY but no. my school is very upset about Obama being president, so they act childish to the ones who don't care wether or not he is black or muslim or went to this church or who talked to this person but care about how he wants to fix this fucked up country we live in.

Happy Inauguration Day 2009.

The ones

I miss Matthew. I want him back. I want to drive to his house and have enraged conversation with him. I want us to go to our favorite spot and talk about how we are so insignificant in this world, this universe.

I want things to be figured out. I want a sign. I want to know what to do and how things will turn out. I want to see my future and know whats right. Whats wrong. Who I am and what I am doing with myself.

I miss meghan and Chelli. I rarely see them now and they are my best friends. =[ 

I need to do this homework but I can't.

I'm coming home bath tub.

Knee high

Rough as the sea, waves crashing and tossing, current pulling and pulling.

The beauty of the sea is so tempting, yet I want to get my land legs. I haven't yet fully used them. The sea, you are my home, my calling but I want these legs to walk. I want them to experience all that the land has offer.

yet, these legs can swim for hours, days, weeks, months. They want to walk, they want to swim.

Maybe I can just stay knee high in the sea with my feet still on land? liar! cheater! either land or sea for you! Sea, I've explored you. reef to reef, shore to shore. Every aspect down to the smallest grain of sand. Land, you consist of roads and buildings and things I don't know. Yet, I see them from afar and feel as if I've been there before.

So Sea, will you pull me under and make me a part of your reefs and waves or will your tide take me closer to land. And Land, will your city fall and crumble after the wear and tear of new comers and crash into the sea or will it flourish and become great.

I'll keep myself knee high. Watch the sea, watch the land.